Repo/Repossession

This is possession. Yep. The devil spirit inhabits your body. You need an exorcism. Right. Well this is a REpossession. Like when you take your body back from the devil, thankyouverymuch.

The same goes for a thing you buy, like a car. You could have and should have bought that very old, but good working condition Saturn with the passenger side dent in the shape of an ice cream truck that cost 5 grand. You could have paid for all of it out of your piggy bank. And had no debt.

But no. You had to have the Audi A7 with the smartphone integration, night vision, and squirrel-detection feature. That Audi cost 30 grand. And after you put the 5 grand down, you swore with your hand on your chest, after signing promising documents 18 times...that you’d pay 500 bucks a month for about 5 years until that car was fully paid for.

But lo and behold, you got fired from your job. Yeah. Didn’t plan on that. You whine about it to your car loan robot, and it asks in automated robot fashion “Why. Is. That. My. Problem?”

So you go a month, then another and another without paying. And the nastygram letters come from lawyers and the bank. And you know your credit is being destroyed, but you can’t find a job. Tough economy. You really shouldn’t have majored in French Lit. So then, one day, along comes Emilio Estevez in the middle of the night with a thing that looks like a special clothes hanger and a few other tools. And at 2am, you hear your car starting in the driveway as it drives away.

Do you call the cops? You go downstairs to investigate and find a little note: “YOUR CAR HAS BEEN REPOSSESSED”. And you have a little bill there for back payments of 3 grand... as well as repossession fees of another grand and for a tidy 4 grand and change, with interest accruing every month, you’ll one day be able to buy yourself out of your credit hole.

And yeah, it’s a bummer going through life with no Visa, Amex or Mastercard. Shoulda bought the Saturn. Welcome to Repossession Hell.