Enter Page, Ford, Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and
Sir Hugh Evans. SIR HUGH
’Tis one of the best discretions of a ’oman as
ever I did look upon. PAGE
And did he send you both these letters at an
instant? MISTRESS PAGE Within a quarter of an hour. 5 FORD
Pardon me, wife. Henceforth do what thou wilt.
I rather will suspect the sun with cold
Than thee with wantonness. Now doth thy honor
stand,
In him that was of late an heretic, 10
As firm as faith. PAGE
’Tis well, ’tis well. No more.
Be not as extreme in submission as in offense.
But let our plot go forward. Let our wives
Yet once again, to make us public sport, 15
Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow,
Where we may take him and disgrace him for it. FORD
There is no better way than that they spoke of. PAGE
How, to send him word they’ll meet him in the
park at midnight? Fie, fie, he’ll never come. 20 SIR HUGH
You say he has been thrown in the rivers
and has been grievously peaten as an old ’oman.
Methinks there should be terrors in him, that he
should not come. Methinks his flesh is punished;
he shall have no desires. 25 PAGE
So think I too. MISTRESS FORD
Devise but how you’ll use him when he comes,
And let us two devise to bring him thither. | Back at the Ford's house, the married couples have a good laugh about the pranks that have been played on Falstaff. Ford apologizes to his wife and vows never to mistrust her again. They all agree that the "merry wives" should punk Falstaff again, just to make sure he's learned his lesson about preying on honest housewives. Sir Hugh thinks Falstaff has probably had enough abuse and won't be drawn out again, but Mistress Ford tells them to figure out what to do with him. She and Mistress Page will lure him out again, no problem. |
MISTRESS PAGE
There is an old tale goes that Herne the Hunter,
Sometime a keeper here in Windsor Forest, 30
Doth all the wintertime, at still midnight,
Walk round about an oak, with great ragged horns,
And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle,
And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a
chain 35
In a most hideous and dreadful manner.
You have heard of such a spirit, and well you know
The superstitious idle-headed eld
Received and did deliver to our age
This tale of Herne the Hunter for a truth. 40 PAGE
Why, yet there want not many that do fear
In deep of night to walk by this Herne’s oak.
But what of this? MISTRESS FORD
Marry, this is our device,
That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us. 45 PAGE
Well, let it not be doubted but he’ll come.
And in this shape when you have brought him
thither,
What shall be done with him? What is your plot? MISTRESS PAGE
That likewise have we thought upon, and thus: 50
Nan Page my daughter, and my little son,
And three or four more of their growth we’ll dress
Like urchins, aufs, and fairies, green and white,
With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads
And rattles in their hands. Upon a sudden, 55
As Falstaff, she, and I are newly met,
Let them from forth a sawpit rush at once
With some diffusèd song. Upon their sight,
We two in great amazedness will fly.
Then let them all encircle him about, 60
And, fairy-like, to pinch the unclean knight,
And ask him why, that hour of fairy revel,
In their so sacred paths he dares to tread
In shape profane. FORD
And till he tell the truth, 65
Let the supposèd fairies pinch him sound
And burn him with their tapers. MISTRESS PAGE
The truth being known,
We’ll all present ourselves, dis-horn the spirit,
And mock him home to Windsor. 70 | Mistress Page remembers an old folktale about "Herne the hunter," a spooky ghost that haunts Windsor Forest at night during the winter. Apparently, "Herne the hunter" walks around an old oak tree at midnight, rattling his chains, bewitching the local cattle, and scaring the you-know-what out of the locals—especially old people who still believe in ghosts. Mistress Ford suggests that they get Falstaff to wear a set of horns on his head (like "Herne the hunter") and meet them at the old haunted oak at midnight. Mistress Page says she'll get her son and daughter and a bunch of little kids to dress up like "urchins, oafs, and fairies" to scare Falstaff by singing some crazy song and pinching him until he confesses that he's been trying to seduce Mistress Ford and Mistress Page. Falstaff will be totally humiliated in front of EVERYONE. Good times! |
FORD
The children must
Be practiced well to this, or they’ll ne’er do ’t. SIR HUGH
I will teach the children their behaviors, and
I will be like a jackanapes also, to burn the knight
with my taber. 75 FORD
That will be excellent. I’ll go buy them vizards. MISTRESS PAGE
My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies,
Finely attirèd in a robe of white. PAGE
That silk will I go buy. Aside. And in that time
Shall Master Slender steal my Nan away 80
And marry her at Eton.—Go, send to Falstaff
straight. FORD
Nay, I’ll to him again in name of Brook.
He’ll tell me all his purpose. Sure he’ll come. MISTRESS PAGE
Fear not you that. Go get us properties 85
And tricking for our fairies. SIR HUGH
Let us about it. It is admirable pleasures and
fery honest knaveries. Page, Ford, and Sir Hugh exit. MISTRESS PAGE
Go, Mistress Ford,
Send quickly to Sir John to know his mind. 90 Mistress Ford exits. I’ll to the doctor. He hath my good will,
And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.
That Slender, though well-landed, is an idiot,
And he my husband best of all affects.
The doctor is well-moneyed, and his friends 95
Potent at court. He, none but he, shall have her,
Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her. She exits. | Evans volunteers to be the children's drama coach and runs off to help them get ready. Meanwhile, Ford runs off to buy costumes and masks for the kids. Page is totally psyched. He makes plans to use the prank as an opportunity to help Slender elope with Anne during all the confusion. Mistress Page has a similar idea. Since Anne will be wearing a disguise during the prank, she thinks it's the perfect time for Caius to run away with her without anybody noticing. This is going to work out well. |