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TSA Agent 259 Views


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Description:

So... what's a TSA worker, and what do they do? Oh, we thought maybe you knew. Okay, okay... so TSA (or Transportation Security Administration) workers are actual people, but they don't do much. They include TSOs, those kindly, smiling folks at security checkpoints, BDOs, who watch for suspect behavior, and Federal Air Marshals, who actually get to enforce the law. Now those guys actually get guns.

Language:
English Language

Transcript

00:00

TSA worker

00:07

America's best and brightest. the finest smartest most talented group of

00:13

individuals in the country .the envy of young children everywhere. rich. none of

00:20

these things are ever gonna be said about you [TSA workers stand in a row]

00:23

if TSA worker is the career path you choose. the Transportation Security

00:28

Administration or TSA does not hire the best and brightest ,and were it not for

00:33

9/11 these people wouldn't even have a job. those x-ray robot thingies would be

00:38

just fine and well, guess what, they're likely to replace the workers soon.

00:43

anyway formed after bin Laden and his buddies attacked New York, in just a

00:47

short period of time the TSA has managed to anger irritate and completely

00:53

befuddle the vast majority of people traveling into out of or within the u.s.,

00:58

wasting colossal hours of our time for little or while pretty much no social [TSA checkpoint pictured]

01:04

advantage. did the terrorists actually win? well they sure cost us a lot of

01:09

wasted time and money and angst. but aren't these TSA folks helping to keep

01:14

us safe? aren't they basically superheroes. oh sure if superheroes had

01:20

no powers required no real education or training just wanted a job with the

01:25

least amount of stress effort thought focus and you know like to feel up

01:28

random strangers in airports .in theory the job might seem worthwhile yes but

01:33

there are bad guys out there and those bad guys may want to infiltrate our

01:37

airspace make bad things happen you know shoe bombs purloined Avion bottles of

01:43

water and pet fish. and here are the brave steadfast TS.A workers sworn to [man holds up water bottle]

01:49

stand between those bad guys and all us innocent passengers. except it really

01:53

doesn't work that way. first of all Tiesto's transportation security

01:57

officers those are the ones at screening checkpoints. they aren't even armed.

02:02

they're not allowed to use any kind of force. they can't even arrest anybody

02:06

they're just next door to worthless from a security perspective. if someone with

02:11

ill intentions did chance to go through one of these security checkpoints well

02:16

an alarm would go off and a TSA worker would call for a real

02:19

cop or someone who can actually do something .so you have to wonder why do

02:23

we even have umpteen tens of thousands of TSA workers, essentially on the dole

02:29

getting paid by the tax dollars or Airport fees collected from people like

02:34

you and me well ?remember that late 2001 was a very soft economic time. the [caveman dances across the screen]

02:40

internet bubble had burst and unemployment in the country was rampant.

02:44

so the TSA ended up being something like a Roosevelt New Deal thing, only with a

02:48

terrorist backdrop. it simply quote made work unquote like you know the digging

02:54

of holes and filling them back up in the Roosevelt era, so that the unemployed and

02:59

unemployable could get paid for sitting around ,only this time instead of sitting

03:03

around their living room during the day watching reruns of cooking shows and sit

03:07

around the airport entryway.s so what does it take to become such a venerated

03:11

member of our society? do you have to go to college get a degree or at least get

03:15

some kind of specialized school? no you just have to be a US citizen basically. [kid in cap and gown]

03:20

you've got to pass a drug test pass a medical test and squeak by when they

03:24

perform a background check on you and that's about it/

03:27

you need more qualifications to assemble whoppers at Burger King/ and at least at

03:31

Burger King the hamburger patties aren't gonna feel violated when you you know

03:34

grab them. and we haven't even gotten into what the actual job is like most

03:38

people when they enter an airport want to get the heck out of there as soon as

03:41

humanly possible. it's loud it's crowded it smells like giant massive sweaty

03:46

people .there's fluorescent lighting again and then everyone's angry .but a

03:51

great place to hang out all day! and you get to deal with the angriest of these

03:55

people. the ones who are about to be late for their flight and blame you for going [angry man holds bag above his head]

03:59

through their bag for a second time. every now and then some idiot threatens

04:02

to sue you because you dared lay a hand on their private parts, even though

04:07

that's kind of your job description .but then they go to their first meeting with

04:10

lawyer who points out the TSA workers likely have almost no personal assets

04:14

and well you can't really sue the government so you don't sue them and you

04:17

just leave. right back to the grind there's the repetition all day long

04:20

every day bags go in look at little screen bags come out you

04:25

do almost nothing of any value. bags go in you look at the little screen. the [man peers at screen]

04:29

bags come out you remove half and drunk Evian water bottle. bags go in .you look

04:34

at the little screen yeah you get the picture. well occasionally you pull

04:38

someone aside and then you let him go once in a blue moon you'll go through a

04:42

bag and come across something exciting like a dirty magazine or a toilet.

04:45

plunger or a human foot. and like you know human foot aside how does it

04:50

benefit society that you've identified this bag ?oh yeah most the time it's

04:54

beyond boring you're an assembly line worker except you don't assemble or

04:57

create anything you leave the world basically exactly the same way you found [man thinks as he stands in uniform]

05:00

it but you got paid a salary with the Union pension benefits instead of

05:05

getting Social Security. now to be fair these are just the checkpoint guys. there

05:10

are other people employed by the TSA some of whom are well even worse. just a

05:14

tick up from TSO is a BDO or behavior detection officer. oh there's a good one.

05:20

are you good at watching strangers and being so irrationally paranoid that you

05:24

think some of them are out to get you? well then you might have the makings of

05:28

a fine BDO. well these folks literally observe people as they pass through the

05:32

checkpoints and are in charge of deciding whether or not someone looks

05:36

suspicious or not. yep they're trained to judge suspicion purely on behavior and

05:40

not on external factors like skin colour or dress [man smiles at camera]

05:44

unless someone happens to be wearing a t-shirt that says death to America well.

05:49

then there are federal air marshals who actually get to enforce law. they work

05:53

undercover and in the case of a very real threat they will quickly run into a

05:56

phone booth change into their cape and spandex leggings and fly swiftly to the

06:00

point of danger. you know ok they mostly just try to

06:02

defuse the situation without opening fire if at all possible. still they can

06:06

take down a baddie if one decides to make trouble. there are a few other

06:09

flavors such as people on the explosives detection team who on the downside put [man frowns as he rides belt]

06:13

themselves in harm's way in case of a bomb, but on the upside get to hang out

06:17

with dogs while they work. so if you're a screener at TSO well what kind of money

06:21

are you making? well let's put it this way that Gucci designer bag you just dug

06:25

through looking to see if there's only something more dangerous than a tube of

06:29

lipstick in there? you know that cost more then you make it a month.

06:32

average salary paid by tax payers usually for a

06:36

TSO worker is around 35 grand so you get to be universally reviled and collect a

06:41

pittance for your efforts. well where do you sign up right ?as if you needed one [man examines purse]

06:45

more reason not to consider this as a viable career the TSA may not even be a

06:49

thing at least not in its current form in ten years. first of all there are the

06:53

advancements in technology. pretty soon don't you think it's gonna

06:56

all be replaced by robots? they're also been all kinds of investigations into

07:01

the inner workings of the agency. groups whose sole purpose is to abolish the TSA

07:05

with support from prominent organizations, colonists, and even

07:08

congressmen and heaps of criticism going to the overall process because so many

07:12

TSA workers have found to be corrupt. well long story short TSA is more

07:17

unpopular than that kid who sits in the back row and trig and picks his scabs all [man sits in classroom]

07:20

hour long. in fact they're more popular than the scabs themselves .so if you're a

07:25

glutton for punishment by all means well hop aboard the TSA train before it chugs

07:28

out of the station but make sure you don't have anything on your person

07:31

that's more than 3.4 fluid ounces unless you want to be subjected to a full [TSA man puts on glove]

07:35

cavity search.

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